Rainbows From Rain

Well my temp is still up there, and even went up slightly this morning.  It makes me optimistic because usually by this point my temp would be coming down in preparation for AF. However as you can see, my tests were negative, and my pee was very concentrated too.  So I’m still thinking I’m out.  I have major heartburn because I ran out of my Nexium.  It’s relentless.  And I now have nausea as well.  Pretty strongly in fact, but I’m sure it’s  just due to the heartburn.  My left teeth are bothering me today too.  And I’m tired.  But can’t sleep because of the heartburn/nausea/teeth problems.  Woe is me.  ☹️. No spotting, no cramping.  I had a bit of ewcm a few mins ago.  That’s not good because ewcm is closely related to estrogen and I do usually get ewcm just before, or along with AF.  So I’m sure she’s coming.  She’ll be right on time tomorrow.  I’ve never made it past my FF test date.  Not once. ...

Chart still looks good!  Before I went to sleep, I checked my temp cuz I was feeling really warm internally.  Not like a sweaty hot feeling but just inside - it’s hard to describe.  Anyway I checked and my thermometer made a fast beeping noise which I’ve never noticed it doing before but apparently it does it when your temp is higher than what it should be.  Mine was 99.57.  Then I slept for a few hours and my waking temp was still high but more normal at 98.85. So the Wondfo this morning.....I see something there but it’s not super clear, and it’s almost like there are multiple lines.  Very weird.  I’m sure it’s nothing but it’s interesting.  I am down to one Wondfo left.  My new Wondfo’s and my FRER’s will be arriving today though. This is long after it’s dried.  The funny thing is, when I look at the test with my naked eye I can’t see it at all.  Just looks like any other negative.  And I know this is probably just a dye run...

Fatigue....majorly.  I slept practically all day yesterday.  And last night I went to bed around 11pm or just after, and woke up at 3am.  Wondfo negative.  Temp up again!  I'm a little more optimistic now just because of the fatigue.  My chart looks awesome but I've had nice charts before that were negative.

Not much to report.  Insomnia, general blah feeling, no energy, appetite is up and down, mood is mostly irritable, no nausea today so far.  Just business as usual.  Temp did go back up but only slightly.  Around 5am it was 99.3 but that was before I went to sleep so I didn't count it.

My chart is still looking decent.  I have a dip as of today which could be an implantation dip but I know all too well that it could mean absolutely nothing too.  Wondfo negative.   I feel very strange today, and not in a good way.  I actually went to bed at midnight.  I was very tired cuz I had been up since 4:15am that morning.  Tooo my usual sleep cocktail and got to sleep.  But I woke up at 1am, then 3am.  Back to sleep around 5am, didn't wake up again until 12:45pm.  Very odd.  So my sleep was pretty restless.  I still feel pretty tired now.   Also when I woke up I felt a little nauseous, majorly decreased appetite.  Normally I'm starving when I wake up and eat immediately.  But today I just am not into it.  My throat feels very slightly sore, so I wonder if I'm getting sick which could explain that and the lack of appetite. Someone sprayed orange paint on our mailbox - stupid idiots.  I hate living her...

Actually got a little sleep last night!  Well from 1am to 4am...3 while hours lol.  So I'm determined to stay awake all day today, get some laundry and cleaning done.  My chart is looking decent.  It shows a clear thermal shift.  I am still not particularly hopeful just because I've been fooled so many times by a nice chart, high temps, tons of symptoms or hardly any.  It really could go either way.  I took a Wondfo on a whim just cuz I'm crazy and figured what the hell.  Negative (duh) and you can even see the white line where it would be pink if it were positive.  So I guess it's less than negative lol.  I need to order more Wondfo and FRER today.  I'm gonna really try not to be in a test frenzy this time.  It's just too stressful. ***PM Update*** Parmesan cheese smelled like puke today and made me feel sick - never has before. Was very emotional today, had a good cry about all the things I'm missing with Jackson. Got irritab...

Today was pretty uneventful.  I weighed 217.6 this evening which was exciting!  Not really much in the way of symptoms today.  Some gas pains, pretty gassy today and constipated tonight but I finally was able to "go" about 30 mins after taking stool softener.  But I doubt the stool softener was the reason - so I may "go" some more later lol. That's about it.  Still having insomnia.  Appetite is decreased a bit.  Craving Thai food so much but I can't afford to eat it every night lol.  The craving has nothing to do with potential pregnancy - I just get on food kicks for days or weeks at a time.  Currently Thai (if I could), but instead I'm obsessed with Cup Noodles, chicken flavor and I add a dash or two of cayenne to give it a kick.  Also fruit by the foot.  And munching on ice. I'm feeling a little sleepy but gonna try to stay awake until maybe midnight or 1am, take my medicines and then hopefully sleep good.

Insomnia is very bad these past few days.  When I do sleep it's restless, I wake up every 2-3 hours.  During my nap today I dreamed I was pregnant.  Woke up feeling sad.  I don't even remember the details now but I remember being really nervous and scared about getting an ultrasound done for fear that the baby will have died like Jackson had.  Sometimes it weighs very heavily on me, and I get these feelings of disbelief like omg I can't believe this really happened.  Sometimes I fantasize that I'll wake up from a nightmare and all this will have just been a dream and I'll be so relieved to wake up and realize I'm still pregnant and my baby is fine.  In my head I know that won't happen but my heart still wishes it would. I feel my hope fading.  I feel myself sinking back into depression.  I have a lot of anxiety.  I just feel like I'm in a big ocean, sinking further and further down.  I've had some pretty dark thoughts lately that I ...

Really not much to report.  Business as usual.  Yesterday I rubbed my eyes cuz they were itchy, and then looked in the mirror and my left eye had a burst blood vessel.  Doubt it's relevant but it was odd cuz it's never happened before.  Mood is ok, energy ok.  Not particularly hopeful this cycle at all.  I just feel like it's never going to happen and it's maddening.  Such a simple thing for most people.  And it's the one thing I can't seem to make happen.  Really frustrating. I'm 3dpo so I guess I'll know within a week, maybe 8-9 days.  I'm going to try to hold off on testing unless I am having symptoms.  But so far - nada.

Yay for ovulation!  Had O pains today.

YAY I got my peak reading and my positive OPK!!  Definitely gonna be BDing tonight!  Praying it's not too late!  I felt a little crampy last night.  No ewcm so far today but I'm hoping I'll still have some tonight. My chart so far this cycle.  I've been pretty good about taking my temps but man are they erratic!

Had loads of ewcm today!  OPKs still say high/neg but soooo close!  Tried to get DH to BD but he was too tired and sore.  :(

Not feeling great today.  Last night we did BD so I know we at least got one in, and I had ewcm too so that's a plus.   OPK still negative but very close.  Digital OPK still says high.  I'm thinking I'll get a peak tomorrow and we will BD again tomorrow so hopefully we are successful this cycle.

CD 14......did not take opk until evening....HIGH CD 15....took opk with fmu.....HIGH We BD this evening.  I had ewcm today and yesterday so I'm hopeful.

Meh. Feeling depression creeping in.  Anxiety has been very high.  On a positive note I've been sleeping prettt good.  Benadryl, Dramamine and the addition of NyQuil is what's working for me right now. Took my first OPK's of the month and was surprised that the Wondfo was pretty dark.  Still negative though.  And the digital said "low".