Rainbows From Rain

So I'm over the little emotional breakdown I had.  I think it was just a combination of a lot of things plus AF and lack of sleep.  I feel ok now.  Still a bit stressed about money and everything but it's getting better. I started round 3 of Clomid last night.  I'm only doing 50mg this cycle and taking it on days 5-9.  I have enough Clomid left for one more round of 10mg, which I'll do next cycle probably on CD 5-9 again.   DH and I leave tomorrow afternoon for our Anniversary trip to the mountains.  It's our 10 year!  Still very much in-love and we have had a rough couple of years with obvious ups and downs but we are still going strong.  We are going to the mountains for 5 nights (leaving tomorrow which is Thursday and coming back on Tuesday). I know DH needs the break and so do I.  The best part is, no AF and no worrying about O while we are gone. Just sex for the fun of it - what a concept! LOL So that's it.  There probably won'...

Well if you haven't guessed, AF showed on 12 dpo, right on time.  My girls started high school today.  I didn't see this coming, the emotional overload it's caused.  I just sit here and think my God, it went by so fast.  One minute I'm holding my newborn, the next her first day of kindergarten, and then I blinked and she's off to high school.  It's a deep, gut-wrenching sorrow I was not prepared for.  No one tells you this stuff when you're pregnant or when you're a new parent.  Or maybe they do and you just brush it off because at the time your days seem never ending.  Until they do.  And I can't go back in time.  Maybe my time as being a mommy is passed.  Maybe it's best that I don't have a baby because all this pain I'm going through with my girls growing up and all the realizations that come with it, my husband's health isn't the best....maybe my time is done now.  All happiness I ever had is over.  All joy, long gone....

Where is AF?  Where is the spotting?  This afternoon or early evening I had a very small amount of pink tinged spotting *i think*.  I had to really stare cuz I wasn't sure if it was actually very slightly pink tinged or if it was the yellow/orange tint of my pee???  Still unsure but since I haven't had anything since then I'm thinking it was not spotting.  If I happen to get a bfp I may change my mind.  But at this point it's too late I think, for implantation.   Temp took a major nosedive.  That's never a good sign.  But I will say, normally I have spotting by now.  My usual LP is 11 days.  Meaning I usually get spotting on 11dpo then AF on 12dpo.  So it's a little weird.  But why no BFP then?? FMU...nothing.  Same ghost lines moreso on Wondfo than FRER. Afternoon, SMU...(maybe 3MU?).  Clearly BFN. Sometime after that is when I noticed the pink tinged ewcm or maybe it was just yellow/orange from my pee? I manage...

  Well, not sure what to make of these tests.  I'm still seeing a line.  Not in all pics but some.     My chart looks stellar!     The above is 9am tests, and invert.   And that one is 1:30pm test.  The "line" I'm seeing has not really changed.  And both those urines were very concentrated 4+ hour holds.  Sooo my conclusion is that I'm out.  And these lines aren't really lines, they are just the same things I see every single month because I'm an idiot.  Or an optimist.  Or both.  *sigh*  I haven't started spotting yet but I'm sure I will today or tomorrow. PM Update....             Took a Wondfo...saw a line.  Took a frer....saw a line.  I'm just confused because these lines aren't getting darker.  So at this point I'm confused.  I'm a little hopeful - which I don't really want to be.  I guess I'll see what tomorrow brings.  I know myself though an...

  Le Sigh.  Insomnia is kicking my butt.  ☹️   My chart looks great!  Nice temp rise this morning!  Triphasic???  🙏🏻   And my FRER was negative.  Still has that shadowy phantom line though.  😐 Maybe tomorrow will be the day!  I have 6 FRER coming to me today sometime, also some Wondfo's.  I'll probably do both later after my nap. PM Update: I took a nap this morning for about 3 hours I think, maybe 4? After no sleep last night.  So it wasn't a nap it was more like...sleep.  Anyway I woke up around 12:30pm.  Didn't do much other than look up some stuff online.  Got emotional and cried for a bit.  Nothing specific, just remembering.  Took an opk just out of sheer compulsive need to pee on something.  It was negative - like barely even a test line negative.  So no clue there (some say you can use opk as hpt but usually not until after an hpt would be positive anyway).   Went to my gi...

    So 8 dpo.  Yay!  Can finally test with some hope of a bfp!     Chart is looking decent.  Not terrible, not awesome. Tests this morning were BFN.  Thought maybe I saw a hint of something but I'm sure it was just the line I always see cuz I'm a spaz.     One cool thing though, today was the total solar eclipse - first one since 1918 for the USA.  We weren't in the path of totality but were supposed to have 93% coverage.  I was kind of disappointed actually.  It looked neat outside - kinda dusky but more like the sun got covered by a cloud even though it wasn't.  I recorded it on my phone and found out later I might have messed up the sensors or something.  Oops!  It seems fine so far so maybe I got lucky.  Would have been cool to get a BFP on today of all days but it was a weird day.  Hubby had to go to the ER via ambulance from his work - turned out to be dehydration but it was scary. ...

    Home from the beach!  My chart looks ok...kinda neutral.  Was in a pretty good mood today.  Got a little sad walking past the baby aisle at Target.  Otherwise good!  I didn't feel excessively tired but I did take a nap.  Constipated and in pain from that but I got it out at least.  Itchy lady parts which I'm sure is due to a yeast Infection so I got meds for that today and will start that tonight. Major wave of nausea last night that I can't explain, but it lasted for an hour or two.  None today so far.  I was super hungry today though, wow!  If I'm being honest I really don't feel pregnant and don't feel any different than any other month so I am not expecting to get a bfp unfortunately.  Our timing wasn't the best either. I can't believe I've made it through 7dpo without testing lol.  I only have a couple tests though so I need to be conservative about it.  I'll take one tomorrow morning with fmu but I'm ho...

   

     It's a beautiful night at the beach!  I'm enjoying spending time with my girls and nieces.  No symptoms to note.  Just constipation and fatigue.   My temp has been a little slow to rise but it seems to be stable at least.  I'm sure I ovulated but I'm disappointed that my temp didn't go straight up.  It makes me think I ovulated late.  Being at the beach is a good distraction though.  I'll be 6 dpo on Saturday when we get home!  I probably need to order some tests too.  I'm so over it though honestly.  Don't even want to test lol.  Have hardly thought about it.  I've thought a lot about Jackson though for sure, and have cried a few times being down here.  ☹️ Well I'm headed to bed now! 😴

  Ovulation day at last!   I felt pretty crampy and my lower abdomen was very sore last night and today.  It has gotten better as the day wore on though.  We decided to bypass our little jaunt into Washington D.C. but we plan to go back there for a weekend, maybe in late fall when it's cooler and walking won't be so taxing.  After all the walking we did yesterday I just wasn't up for it.  So instead we drove over to Front Royal, VA and hopped on Skyline Drive in the Shenendoah National Park.  I have always wanted to go there, ever since I was in high school and we sang a folk song medley and Oh Shenendoah was one of the songs.  Any place that inspires someone to write a beautiful ballad about has to be amazing.  And the views were stunning indeed!  Two negatives though:  Entry fee of $25 and I didn't find the drive to be that scenic.  The Shenendoah Valley was lovely.  But I still prefer Great Smoky Mountains National Park...

    PEAK and Positive OPK at last!!!  Hallelujah!  We BD early this morning (3am) in the hotel bathroom lol.  It was an interesting experience to say the least!  It was fun!  Double fun actually for me 😳   My chart as of this morning.  I sometimes O on the day of the peak and sometimes its the next day so I'll just have to see what my temp does in the morning and how quickly things dry up down there lol. So today we are going to the Bronycon convention.  DD#1 is a huge MLP fan.  She's been waiting over a year for this lol.  She got this trip as a Christmas present last year.  She had wanted to go to this last year but unfortunately we were in New Orleans at the time so we couldn't.  DD#2 goes to Animazement every year.  I don't care much for the conventions but I love seeing all the costumes! So we are gonna eat breakfast here at the hotel and then head to Baltimore (we are staying in Laurel, MD).  It shoul...

    Still no peak 😭😡😩😖😐 We left today for Baltimore!     The Chesapeake Bay Bridge tunnel which literally is underwater!     The water in the Chesapeake Bay was so beautiful!  It was TEAL!  I've never seen anything like it.  Even in Pensacola the water was similar but not even as teal as this.           Annapolis, Maryland is so pretty!  It reminded me of Williamsburg, VA and Ocracoke Island, NC.  So lovely and we didn't get to spend much time there so I definitely will be going back! We ate dinner at The Boatyard.  It was awesome!  Loved seeing all the sailors in uniform.  The US Naval Academy is in Annapolis.       I want this boat!   Maryland Crab Soup - to die for!  It was like Brunswick Stew with crab!   Crab dip with spinach and artichoke.  I'm now understanding why Maryland is famous for their crabs!   Having a great time so far!