Rainbows From Rain

    I'm on CD 5 and AF is over.  It was super heavy on the second day but not bad after that.  I'm now taking Clomid on CD 3-7, 100mg this time.  I feel really deflated and pessimistic, wondering if this is ever going to happen or if I have to just let go. I need to order some more prenatals and digital OPK's, and Instead cups.  Hoping to O by CD 17 because of two trips I have planned.

  Well I'm starting to lose hope.  Big temp dip this morning.... Tests were negative....     And I started spotting around 2pm - brown mucousy cm.  Took another test at 2pm and also negative but dried with an evap...     Felt some strong cramping around my right ovary which radiated to my back and lasted a couple hours (right around the time of the spotting).  Later I checked again and had pink spotting, then after that pink mixed with brown. My boobs are still huge and sore.  Other than that,  no symptoms.  I hate this land of limbo.  My gut says it's AF coming early.  I don't know why but it seems that's the case.  ☹️  There is a chance its implantation dip and implantation spotting, and that what I felt today was implantation cramping.  I just won't know for sure until I get a BFP or AF arrives.  I'll probably test later tonight.  Unless the spotting turns into AF.

  *le sigh* So update on the spotting from last night.  I'm not so sure it was from implantation.  I think either it was just irritation down below or possibly I was picking up some blood from my backside (hemmoroid issues recently).  So I'm not discounting it but not calling it a sure thing either.  It's only something I can look back on and say maybe it was implant, if I do get a BFP. The good news is, my temp is sky high.  Higher than it's been my whole cycle.  This gives me a lot of hope because my temps are usually on the low side.  The high temps don't necessarily mean I'm pregnant, but they do mean my progesterone is high and doing its job to sustain a pregnancy if something does decide to implant (or has already).  So I'm very happy with how my chart looks.   It's obvious that 6dpo was not an implant dip.  But it's possible my temp could dip tomorrow indicating possible implant - or more likely AF's impending arrival. My gut...

  It's been a pretty uneventful day.  I have slept sooooo much today it's unreal.  It's has been the hottest weekend of the year so far.  Reached 99 on Friday and I don't know how high it got today but the forecast was for 100.  I know that right now it's 8:42pm and 92 degrees outside.  Crazy! When I woke up this morning around 6am I checked my temp and it went up again so that was encouraging.   Took a Wondfo and FRER which were negative.  No surprise there, at 8dpo.  I've had no signs of implantation at all - no spotting, no significant cramping or pokes like I felt with Jackson.     Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel something since that's the most common day for implantation and if it happens later than 10dpo it probably won't stick anyway.  I believe I implanted on 10dpo with Jackson because I actually felt it, then had one wipe of pink spotting on 11dpo and tested positive on 12dpo when I woke up thinking omg why am I sleeping ...

  My temp went back up a bit...   I took a Wondfo with FMU and it was negative of course, though not stark white.  There's a super faint shadowy ghost line which I get quite often on these when I'm not pregnant so I know it's meaningless.   Felt a bit crampy this morning but it felt digestive, and about 10 mins later yep....it was lol.  Took a long nap.  Woke up still feeling tired.  Felt a lot of weird pinching in my uterus, almost like electric zapping, kinda running down to my lady parts.  It's hard to describe. Today is Friday.  It's just after 8pm and I'm still waiting on DH to get home.  He works such long hours.  ☹️ I'm going to try and just relax and enjoy my night, watch a couple movies maybe, eat pizza, and probably some Twinkies or other junk food.  Cuz IF I were to get a bfp, I am going to have to be vigilant about my diet.  I tried to with Jackson but I admit I could have done way better.  And I know what...

  Had a lot of symptoms today but I'm not sure that they are related to pregnancy.  I think they're Clomid related, or just random things that don't have anything to do with TTC. Just gonna copy & paste my notes for today here... 6 dpo - Woke in middle of night and throat is VERY sore, no idea what that's about.  Burping a lot.  Boobs really heavy and sore.  Sharp shooting pain left breast. Woke up again at 7am.  Appetite is back!  No nausea.  A little sore/pinchy/crampy near right ovary.  Temp dip (implantation?).  Wondfo negative with fmu.  Feeling cold!  Runny nose, throat still sore.  Got emotional watching Masterchef.  My boobs are waaay bigger than they've ever been in my life.  Like, it's not subtle.  Due to Clomid? Or....?  VERY strong sense of smell.  Feeling weird twinges right side of uterus.  Napped for a couple hours.  Had a sex dream.  Really hungry when I woke up. ...

  My symptoms have definitely increased today.  I had a rough night of insomnia, I'm very irritable and moody. I feel like I'm fine and then bam I snap.  That's not how I typically am - I consider myself to be pretty mellow and not a lot upsets me, usually. I had some pretty strong nausea this morning and it lasted all day but kind of off and on.  I didn't even want anything for breakfast.  And then I had to choke down my Subway leftovers and only ate a little of that.   I noticed I have a little bump on the inside of my lip, left side.  Maybe a cold sore? Weird.  Decreased appetite again. Very itching last night and today, and oddly my NOSE has been itching like I'm allergic to something. My temp was up again this morning....   Again still looking triphasic but that doesn't happen until 7 dpo at the earliest, per google.  Higher progesterone as a result of Clomid could be causing my symptoms to be amplified. I felt constipated earlier t...

  Today my boobs felt heavy and slightly sore.  Particularly the sides (and itchy too).  My whole body kind of aches , like restless legs (I have that too), and it makes me wonder if I'm getting the flu.  I could have picked up something at the hospital.  Decreased appetite, very tired and not sleeping well at all.  Generally feel unwell.  Very, very gassy - both ends.  My burping is especially prominent.     Temp jumped up, which is great but too early for triphasic.  

  Today has been a day full of symptoms.  Being only 3 dpo I am doubtful of them being pregnancy related.  Implant has not happened yet, but there is that EPF (early pregnancy factor) to consider.  It is produced within 48 hours of fertilization.  If you aren't familiar, google it.  It explains why so many women experience odd symptoms very early on in pregnancy before implantation has even occurred.  All that being said, I just don't know. Here's my chart.  Temp still up there, yay! So symptoms.... Fatigue - this is my number one symptom.  I have felt soooo wiped out today.  No energy.  Just feel blah. Dizziness when walking if I turn too quickly Lower back pain Weird sensations in my abdomen.  Earlier today I felt what I can only describe as a tickle from the inside, only lasted 2 seconds (right side) Mega gas from both ends Puffy face especially under left eye Decreased appetite.  Wasn't nauseous just no desire to eat C...

  So far today nothing much to report.  Increased appetite again.  Woke up hungry but didn't eat right away.  When I finally did, I pigged out literally.  Slept good last night for a change!  From about 10:30pm to 2am...then 3am to 5am.   Boobs feel heavy today for sure. When I look at them I don't see it but they are more noticeable to me when I walk.  Left one itchy, especially my nipple.  Nips are rather pink and poking out.  Weird. Great mood, decent energy.  I'm still trying to take t really easy though and I'm about to take a nap.  One kinda weird thing....when I looked in the mirror I noticed my face looks ever so slightly puffy, particularly around my eyes but just overall too.  Definitely the first time I've experienced that.   Temp was up again.  So it's looking like I definitely did O on CD 20.  A bit of a late O for me but that's ok. I O'd on cd 21 or 22 when I got pregnant with Jackson.  I'...

   Not a lot to report today.  Had some mood swings last night.  Poor DH.  Today boobs slightly sore, mostly left boob.  Maybe slightly heavier feeling boobs.  Increased appetite -starving when I woke up! Mood swings again tonight.  I just go from being in a great mood to being a raving bitch and everything annoys me lol.   Temp was up today - yay!

  Temp was 97.07, so very low, which is a good thing on O day!  I'm so glad I didn't miss it! Negative Wondfo OPK....   And my chart as of this morning.....   I'm wondering if I'll feel any O pain today.  If I conceive this cycle my due date will be April 6, 2018 but I would actually have a c-section scheduled around March 30th at 39 weeks.  DH's birthday is March 25th so that would be a super cool birthday gift!  My grandma's birthday was March 19th and my Uncle's birthday is March 17th, so that would be cool too, plus it's St. Patrick's day and I'm especially proud of my Irish ancestry.  Also March 25th was my original due date with DD #1.  She ended up being born in January, 11 weeks early, due to pre-eclampsia.  She weighed 2 pounds 3 ounces and spent 77 days in the NICU before coming home. So now we wait.....

  So I woke up this morning and took my temp....still low so I haven't ovulated yet!  Then proceeded to take my ovulation tests and got blazing positive and Peak fertility readings! Strongest positive I've ever had in my life!  Also strongest Peak I've had.  So I'm still in with a chance, if I can just manage to get DH's swimmers in there before it's too late!  Cervix is medium height, softish medium texture and very wet.  I had very stretchy ewcm.  It's go time! My chart...   I'm about to have a very strong O and I've been feeling some pinching sensations on both ovaries since like 4am.  I'm wondering if I'll be able to feel an egg (or multiple eggs) pop?  DH is going to try to come home from work for 30 minutes so we can get the swimmers up there before we miss our chance.  This has been such a crappy month - and I know there is no guarantee I'll catch the egg and it will implant and I'll get a bfp, but if we do NOT get swimmers i...

  DD was discharged from the hospital today (YAY!).  Came home and got settled in and took an opk and digital opk....   Oddly, the Wondfo opk was *almost* positive but the digital said "low fertility".  Not sure what's up with that......   Took another OPK at night and got a positive!  Test line is slightly darker than the control line.  The stick is super yellow because I had just taken AZO urinary tract infection medication.  It turns my pee a reddish orange color. We attempted BD tonight but couldn't make it happen. It's frustrating as hell.  But it is what it is.  Not exactly the best timing for O but at least I didn't O while DD was in the hospital.  After we failed twice, I was just so frustrated and mad that I gave up and went to bed.  Thinking it's over for this month.

  So yeah today is day # 5 of DD "J"'a hospital stay for gallstones and pancreatitis.  Today was surgery day (FINALLY!) and they removed her gallbladder.  Her pancreatitis has just about cleared up on its own.  In case anyone is curious, she's age 14 + 1 month and she's a little overweight but not by that much.  She does have a typical teen diet of soda and pizza, spaghetti and chocolate milk and a distinct hatred of anything resembling a vegetable other than a potato.  Plus a family history of gallstones.  It is *not* typical for someone this young to have gallbladder issues.  Just didn't want anyone to be thinking omg I had no idea it could happen that young.  It usually doesn't even if someone has a horrible diet and is overweight (as I was at that age and I didn't have my gallbladder out until I was 28).  Anywho.... So let me try to recap.   Day 1 was Friday which is when I brought her to the ER and she was admitted early that m...

  *Le Sigh* I'm writing this on CD 17, and I can't remember much about CD 14 other than it was day 2 of my DD "J"'s hospital stay for gallstones and pancreatitis.  TTC really was not high on my priority list, so only minimal attention was paid to it. I do know that I had ewcm and I took and OPK which was negative.  I also had a super high temp but took it at night (didn't mark on chart) and at this point I was suspecting I had already O'd on CD 11 so I was thinking today I was 3dpo.  On this night I had a bit of pink spotting mixed with ewcm after a BM.  I had the exact same thing the next night (CD 15 or 4 dpo).   So that's about it for this day!  

  Well this cycle is not going well AT ALL.  My temps are crazy, OPK's almost positive then definitely negative.  I'm just so fed up.   These were my CD 12 OPK's (high reading on digi)... Comparison of CD 9-12....   Did I already O on CD 11?  If so then ok but it's a bit early.  We did BD once the day before that, so ok CD 10 early in the morning.  I've never had this happen before with my OPK's. As for TODAY....   There is my chart.  WHY does it frickin look like I have O'd?  WTF is happening?  Anyway no opk today cuz my DD "J" is in the hospital, possibly with gallstones at her tender age of 14, and possibly gonna have to have it surgically removed.  So I didn't get to take my OPK's and if she's here for the next few days then I won't be able to at all and even if I could it's not like BDing is an option.  So this cycle may be a bust.  It may be a good thing if I already did O.   I wonder if it's because I...