Cycle #6 ~ New Cycle

 

It is what it is.  I'm trying to stay positive but I'm in so much physical pain right now.  I was barely even pregnant but OMG the cramps.  Plus I have a UTI or bladder infection - not sure what but lower abdoinal pain and right ovary pain....just pain pain pain.

The emotional part, I can handle.  I've been pregnant SIX times (possibly more).  I have two living daughters who are teenagers, one departed son - my angel Jackson who was born sleeping New Year's Eve 2016 at 31 weeks due to a cord accident, and I had a miscarriage in November 1998 ("Bernice"), May 2011 ("PJ") and now June 2017 whom I have dubbed "Carli" due to a dream I had during the 2WW about a baby girl named Carli that we adopted.  My point is, this isn't my first rodeo.  I've had a few other suspected chemicals as well over the years but none of them confirmed with a positive test.  Well there was "Nevaeh" in January 2008 but I only had one positive test and it's possible it was false, I really don't know.  But as you can see nearly 20 years since my first pregnancy, I haven't forgotten them, nor will I.  They're close to my heart and I think if them on anniversaries and at various times, and wonder what might have been.  It's a personal, sentimental thing for me and something I don't usually share.  So you're welcome.  😬

Anyhow, on to a new cycle.  Cycle #6 since my Jackson was born.  I'm hopeful, and my ovulation will fall around the time I got pregnant with my oldest daughter (around July 4th).  She was meant to be a late March baby but due to pre-eclampsia she was born 11 weeks prematurely in January 2002.  She was a little thing - barely 2 pounds lol.  And now she's a hormonal teenager who slams doors and plays MMORPG games and is still sweet when she wants something (and fucking persistent omg!!).

This cycle, I will not be taking Vitex because I read you're not supposed to take that with Clomid because they basically cancel each other out.  I got my Clomid in the mail finally, today - just in time!

 

Took my first dose tonight, CD 2, at 8pm and will take one 50mg tablet each night at 8pm on days 3, 4, 5 and 6.  After that I should ovulate within 5-10 days of the final dose, which would put ovulation between CD 11 and CD 16.  My usual O day is anywhere from CD 15-19, most commonly 17 or 18.  I'm not looking to move my O date up specifically.  I just want to produce more than one follicle or at least one good follicle.  I don't know how it will help me since I already O but when you are dealing with unexplained infertility, you just have to kind of stab at things in the dark because you don't know WHAT needs fixin.

I've read that moodiness (extreme bitchiness) and hot flashes are common side effects and some say they also experience strong O pains as well.  It helps lengthen the LP for some.  It may move O date up (down?), and I may experience strong PMS in the LP.  On the downside, it can sometimes dry up CM.  That's ok because I take a mucus relief tablet for the week before O is expected.  And it thins out mucus.  Gave me great EWCM last cycle.  I also have baby oil (yes it is sperm friendly!) and can run and get preseed at the drugstore if I feel the need.  I have one Instead Softcup left and again - can easily buy more.

I will continue taking the Geritol vitamin as its pretty funny that the two things I did different were Geritol ("there's a baby in every bottle!") and the Vitex - and did get a bfp though it was brief.

Can't continue the Vitex though, as I said previously.  Oh the other thing I did differently is used the Clearblue Advanced Digital OPK's which gave me "highs" and "peak".  My Wondfo's were also positive when my CBD opk was - so it didn't make a big difference but I really liked having the Digital as a backup, because sometimes the opk lines aren't clear.  They happened to be that month though, go figure.

Anyway so aside from all that I'm just going to continue being as positive as I can, and I'm going to TRY not to obsess.  I'm going to remind myself often that a) I'm a mother to 6 on heaven and earth.  I CAN and WILL get pregnant again.  b) Clomid isn't a magic pill and I probably won't get pregnant the first round, so don't get all mopey if it doesn't happen round one. c) Even though I'm terribly impatient and don't always understand why things happen I do believe in God and I know that things will happen in the timing that they are meant to and only certain aspects of it are under my control.  d) NOT to become a lunatic testing at 6 and 7 dpo - it's a waste of time and money and frustration and it's pointless.  Once a day from 8dpo until AF is enough unless I get a bfp in which case it's open frickin season and I'm gonna pee on all the things.

Ok....Clomid fairies....sprinkle your magical dust on me and give me a baby in my belly (or 2! Not 3! Ok maybe 3 but at least 1!).